Soon after I got my first Macintosh in 1995, I discovered the wonderful world of e-mail. The novelty of this form of communication inspired me to send out elaborate humorous ramblings to my friends, which I came to formalize as a newsletter called The Lard Letter. A lot of it was private jokes and worthless crap, but I wrote a few funny pieces in there worth preserving. These essays helped me revive my writing skills that had gone fallow for a few years, and got me back into my fighting trim. Sadly, or perhaps luckily for my aggravated e-mail buddies, other demands on my time spelled the demise of The Lard Letter in 1996, and I didn't get back into writing silly stuff like this until I started the Lard Biscuit Enterprises web site in 2000. The proud tradition of lardy goodness lives on.

Hector's Odyssey The second coming of Chapel Hill's beloved home of the double cheeseburger on pita.

Play That Funky Music, Fat Boy A heavily deserved salute to the fat guys of rock and roll.

Double Big McWhopperMac Supreme with Cheese Pondering the yin and yang of limited-time-only promotional copycat fast-food items.

Nachos RULE! Revealed at last: the secret history of the all-time greatest Mexican food ever born in the U.S.A.

Conscientious Objector to the Cola Wars A harrowing tale of survival: how I went ten days without drinking any Coke or Pepsi products.

Chilibah! A baffling childhood game involving homophobic representational genital presentation. Ah, to be young again!

Gone, But Not Gone (Or Not?) A requiem for the dearly departed town of Hazelwood, North Carolina.